Hello from The Leland's. This is our new blog. I felt the need to create this to start documenting whats going on in our lives, for two reasons. One, so I remember. Two, to share it with our friends/family.
It's difficult to express how I feel, because anyone who grew up with me would not recognize who I am anymore, and I unfortunately still care what people think of me and I hate being criticized.
But at some point I just need to embrace who I am and follow my heart, and so that is what I am going to do...
It feels like our life is 'on hold' while we are going to school, which drives me crazy. While I am very grateful that we are both able to go to school, it seems like it has put a pause on some of our plans...
My brian has been going 100 miles an hour lately. I have so many things I want to achieve, but trying to take everything 'one thing at a time' is making me nuts. I feel like God is moving mountains inside my heart yet I feel like I am so far behind. Ever since leaving Kendall I know God had been dragging me toward him, and at times I have been very reluctant to follow. However, today he told me exactly what I needed to hear:
"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:26-27
Now, I am definitely not qualified to discuss scripture, since it is part of my life that needs a great deal of work. But I see this as saying three things:
#1. Get it together Sara. Stop making false promises to yourself and God about how you will truly pursue your relationship with Jesus and just do it.
#2. Follow your heart. No matter what anyone says, follow your heart and put your whole heart into adoption. I can't even tell you how heavy on my heart this is. Ever since I had Gideon, I have had an overwhelming desire to be a mother. Who knew? Before meeting Chris, I didn't even know if I wanted children. But I have an insane amount of love for Gideon and I feel as though God is telling us to adopt. Chris and I are both very excited about this.
#3. I am very aware that the world and it's possessions can be very tempting. I definitely have felt the need to 'keep up with the Jones'... have a nice car, an iPhone, a big house... But I know that is not what we need in our lives. Especially when considering the financial aspect of adopting and raising children.
I'm sure it seems crazy that we want to pursue adoption while we are both in school, which is why we are putting this in God's hands. I know it will take a great deal of patience and I need to put my faith in God, that all things will work out with his perfect timing.
I, of course, as always, want to run towards this full steam ahead. That is definitely my personality, whereas Chris likes to take things slow. I guess we balance each other out? After reading other blogs from families in the adoption process, it is apparent that things take a long time, which is why I feel like by the time we could possibly complete the entire process, we will be out of school. who knows?
I see all these families full of children, biological and adopted, and pray for the same thing someday. And for awhile I kept thinking... 'when I grow up'... or 'we can't afford to adopt, we aren't prepared'... but at some point you have to make a step in faith and see where it leads you. The exciting thing is that I have never felt like I could live the type of life I have imagined, but God is filling my heart with hope, and that is a very exciting feeling!
